Autumn Lives Here
The scariest books I've ever read, making a Hand of Glory, haunted house tales
If you're creepy and you know it, clap your hands!
Vol. 27: Yes, I'm creepy! I'm clapping! I'm clapping!
Well, You Asked For It
Let's start with the assumption that you like a good scare. You're here, you must be interested in Halloween or horror in general, so I'll go ahead and tell you about the scariest books I've read. Maybe you've read them all already, but maybe you'll find something new that keeps you awake and terrified for days. Read at your own risk.
DIY Terror!
1. Dracula by Bram Stoker.
That's right, I'm starting with this cornerstone of horror about a young man sent to meet with a Count to finalize a real estate transaction. A real estate transaction. Could there be a more mundane start to a terrifying story?
2. The Exorcist by William Peter Blatty.
This tale of a young girl possessed by demons is still frightening and shocking. If you've seen the movies 50 times but never read the book, boy are you in for some pee pee pants.
3. The Shining by Stephen King.
An out-of-season hotel, a gifted boy, a dad on the edge, oh, and a family massacre. Roll them all together and add in the complete isolation of being snowed-in.
4. The Stand by Stephen King.
By law, there have to be at least two King books on lists of this kind. And what a story we have here: over 1000 pages of death, death, death, and a little survival after a virus wipes out most of the population. Scary on more than one level.
5. The Haunting of Hill House by Shirley Jackson.
Jackson was masterful at writing scenes that make you hold your breath in fearful anticipation, and this story of a group gathering in a haunted house is so Jackson-esque. True story: I was reading this one on my living room couch and got to a particularly scary moment of the story when there was a violent bang on my front door. I jumped two feet and threw the book. It was the White Pages being thrown on the porch.
6. The Woman in Black by Susan Hill.
An elderly client dies and her solicitor sends a young representative to the grand yet isolated home of the deceased to get her paperwork in order. There, he gets the fright of his life.
Though written in the 1970's, it meets the Victorian ghost story checklist.
7. 12 Nights at Rotter House by J.W. Ocker.
Do you like a haunted house story? I do, and this one, about two friends who have been on the outs for a while but reunite to spend twelve days and nights inside an infamous house, has all the haunted house scares you're dying for.
8. Horrorstor by Grady Hendrix.
Take the traditional haunted house and turn it into the place we spend most of our lives: the workplace. This IKEA knock-off warehouse has been experiencing some ruined furniture overnight, so the assistant manager and a handful of employees spent the night in the hopes of catching the culprit. They do and wish they hadn't. Such a clever and refreshing take on the trope.
9. Heart-Shaped Box by Joe Hill.
Two words: haunted clothes. What, that isn't terrifying? Just wait until you see what can be done with this premise in Hill's hands.
10. Halloween Fiend by C.V. Hunt.
It's a slim book that delivers an incredibly creepy tale of a man who has spent his whole life being afraid of the town monster, Halloween.
11. Rosemary's Baby by Ira Levin.
The story of young Rosemary, who moves with her actor husband into a beautiful old apartment building in Manhattan. The elderly neighbors are all over the young couple, but it gets worse when Rosemary becomes pregnant. So. Much. Worse.
12. A Headful of Ghosts by Paul Tremblay.
A teenage girl may be possessed but members of her family are divided about what to do, and her behavior worsens when a crew comes to film her. This story comes from the younger sister of the possessed, years later, after the documentary about her sister has become infamous.
13. Alive: The Story of the Andes Survivors by Piers Paul Read.
I'm rounding out this list with a non-fiction classic that makes anyone who reads it afraid of flying, meat, mountains, snow and organized sports. The story of the Uruguayan football team, along with their friends and family, whose airplane crashed in the Andes. It's terrifying and heart-breaking.
I kept this list to just thirteen, but I could stretch it to three postings if I didn't show some restraint. What would be on your scariest list?
Try To Find One That Isn't Haunted
I like haunted house stories. It's by far my favorite horror trope. I like traditional haunted house stories, and I love seeing a fresh take on it too, a la Horrorstor by Grady Hendrix. So just for giggles, here are two approaches to the haunted house story, one very old and one very new. Two different mediums too. Let me know what you think.
Read: The Judge's House, a short story by Bram Stoker. First published in 1891.
https://anilbalan.files.wordpress.com/2011/09/the-judges-house.pdf
Listen: here's a story from the Full Body Chills podcast. It certainly is chilling, and it also keeps the listener guessing.
Vinyl Words by Bryn C. Bell.
Oh, Are We Making Cocktails?!
I'm a frequent guest of a dark little tiki bar in Las Vegas known as (whisper)... Frankie's Tiki Room. I'm loathe to tell you about it because it's small and off the tourist path and has my favorite jukebox in the world, filled with Dean Martin, The Crimson Ghosts and Los Straightjackets. It's also home to the best bartenders in the city, and a long list of fruity cocktails like The Sea Hag, my favorite. It's dark, fruity and deviously strong.
Okay, so I'm telling just you about this place. Visit and tell Malo that Autumn Lives Here sent you. It won't get you anything but I like to picture the face he'll give you.
The Sea Hag from Liquid Vacation by P Moss
1 ½ oz Cruzan Dark Rum
½ oz Blackberry brandy
¼ oz Cherry Heering
2 oz guava nectar
2 oz papaya nectar
cherries for garnish
Build over ice in a 14 oz double old-fashioned glass, then pour contents into a cocktail shaker. Without shaking, re-pour into glass.
Serve garnished with cherries.
High Five!: The Legend of the Hand of Glory
Hand of Glory candle, BlossomandBurr, etsy
You've likely heard the term “Hand of Glory”, maybe seen it in movies such as Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, or in the original The Wicker Man. John Bellairs used it as a plot device in The House with a Clock in its Walls, and so have the Hellboy comics. References to Hands of Glory go back to ancient times but really took off in 19th Century French literature, turning up in Gerard de Nerval's and Guy de Maupassant's works. So what is a Hand of Glory? Get a grip, I'm going to tell you.
It's just a pickled and dried hand cut from a felon who was hanging from a gibbet, that's all. Usually the left hand, as that is considered the “sinister” hand, but if the dead man was a murderer known to be right-handed, it was the right hand that was lopped off. Hundreds of years ago thieves in Europe routinely had their hands chopped off, which might be an end to the punishment, as sometimes the criminal lived, sometimes they didn't. The severed hands were usually displayed publicly. But if the crime was murder, the criminal had a good shot of being parted out like an old car after death, and that was good news for the weirdo who wanted to make a Hand of Glory.
First, let's answer the question of why anyone would want to make one. The answer is: power over others and the ability to commit crimes themselves. The light from a Hand of Glory was said to immobilize anyone who saw it, even put them to sleep. Some tellings of the legend say that the light even unlocked doors, so imagine being an aspiring house-breaker in the 1600s who feels the need for a little edge.
Here's how it's done, according to Petit Albert, published in 1722, and let's appreciate any how-to that begins with the opening “Take the right or left hand of a felon who is hanging from a gibbet beside a highway; wrap it in part of a funeral pall and so squeeze it well.” The instructions continue: add the hand to a vessel along with powdered zimat*, nitre*, salt and long peppers*. Let it marinate for two weeks, then leave it in the sun during the hottest days of Summer until dried out. If you're making a hand at any other time of year, you are instructed to put the marinated hand in the oven along with bits of fern and vervain*.
While you wait for your hand to be ready, make the candle that will be affixed to the hand. Gather the ingredients of wax, ponie*, sesame oil, and fat from the same felon the hand came from. As long as you're chopping off bits, you should have remembered to slice off some fat, and some instructions go further, saying the candle wick must be a hair from the same person too.
But sources don't always agree. A manuscript from 1823 says the process goes like this: pickle the hand in the combined urine of a man, woman, dog, horse and mare, then smoke the hand in hay and herbs for an entire month. Place the hand among the branches of an oak for three nights, then lay it at a crossroads. Then hang it from a church door overnight, while the maker remains on the church porch throughout the night, watching the hand. “...and if it be that no fear hath driven you forth from the porch...then the hand be true won, and it be yours.” Oh, good.
There is only one known surviving Hand of Glory, on display at the Whitby Museum in North Yorkshire, England.
Whitby Museum collection
*Zimat- this has been interpreted as either verdigris, the pigment found in patina, or as sulphate of iron.
*Nitre- the mineral form of potassium nitrate.
*Long Peppers- an ancient spice still used today, primarily in Indian cooking.
*Vervain- more commonly called verbena.
*Ponie- ah, now we have a real difference of opinion. This ingredient has been interpreted as both horse dung and Lapland sesame, which I could find no explanation for.
There's still plenty of ALH ahead. Why don't you go ahead and click that “Subscribe” button so you don't miss out?